The long road to the low road...

So the following is taken directly from the hansard from Question Period on Parliament Hill on Tuesday, June 5.

Mr. Bruce Hyer (Thunder Bay—Superior North, Ind.):
    Madam Speaker, there are many Canadians who do not understand the difference between science and technology. There are profound differences. I have no doubt that our government and the minister understand and support technology but I wonder if they really understand and support science.
    I have a broad question for the minister. Does he really believe in science and the implications of scientific inquiry? I have a more specific question that will put a fine point on it. There is a vast bunch of science out there that says that life was created on this planet three to four billion years ago, and there are other theories. Does the minister believe that life was created on this planet through evolution three to four billion years ago or does he subscribe to a different theory?

Hon. Gary Goodyear (Minister of Science and Technology):
    Madam Speaker, what I would recommend to the hon. member is that when he tightens that towel around his neck at nighttime that he not do it for more than 20 seconds. It actually ends up causing cerebral anoxia that leaves permanent brain damage.
    What I can say is that we obviously support basic research all the way through to applied research. In fact, we are looking at particle accelerators that can create the next generation of medical isotopes. We are working on the CERN project, which is the Large Hadron Collider where we are trying to smash together protons. In Canada, we are investing in i basic research for the pipeline of the future and applying it so that we can create jobs today.
    The question is this: Will that member support this budget or reject it like he always has?

Now, for those who haven't spent a lot of time watching Question Period on CPAC or catching up on it occasionally via the hansard (you are definitely excused, although I think it's an important thing for people to do, just to get a glimpse at what kind of people are actually "running" this country on your behalf...), QP is not a forum for debate - at all. It's a rapid-fire exercise in soap-box politics, where opposition MPs/leaders try to score cheap, quick, non sequitur political points by throwing zingers at whatever government minister/MP is in the hot seat (or sometimes, more rarely, actually put an on-topic and relevant question to them) and the government MP/minister in question dodges it (regardless of whether it was on-topic or not) and then uses the opportunity to rehash some piece or other of the party's talking point list.

It's a time-honoured tradition that nobody really knows why we still even need, since it really doesn't do anything, and it certainly doesn't actually contribute to any legislative process whatsoever.

However, normally it remains in the realm of the comic and absurd, yet harmless and benign.

Every now and then, though, a line is crossed. The last time anyone noticed this line-crossing, you may recall, is when Justin Trudeau called federal Environment Minister Peter Kent a piece of shit for chastising opposition MPs for not attending an international climate conference that they were basically barred from attending. Headlines were written, scandal abounded, and formal apologies were issued by Trudeau.

I would love to see if anything even close to that comes out of this one, but I doubt it will. Let's take a look at what's actually going on here, shall we?

First of all, we've got one of the cheap-political-point-non-sequitur kind of questions, but at least it's relevant to the minister to whom it's addressed. Hyer asks Goodyear if he believes in evolution, and gives credence and credit to the science half of his portfolio, as much as he obviously does to the "technology" half. Not a great question, but fairly direct, and decently civil (even if it is obviously pot-stirring...).

Unsurprisingly, Goodyear doesn't answer the question at all.

What is surprising, however, is just how low he goes when not answering it.

Let's actually recap this in his own words:

Madam Speaker, what I would recommend to the hon. member is that when he tightens that towel around his neck at nighttime that he not do it for more than 20 seconds. It actually ends up causing cerebral anoxia that leaves permanent brain damage.

Really, Gary? As cabinet minister in the Government of Canada, you think this is somehow an okay way to respond to a colleague in Parliament, even in QP?

First off, he essentially makes a joke about brain damage, and how Hyer has it. For asking him a question. During Question Period. This, right here, ought to be enough to land him on as many headlines as Trudeau occupied after the Kent incident. Already we're in the territory of childish, petty and insulting.

But then we look a bit closer... "when he tightens the towel around his neck..."

No.

He can't have really said that.

Here's the thing: I've been kicking around the Internet for some time now. It's ruined me in a lot of ways. I've seen things that people ought not to see, and I'm at least vaguely familiar with things that most people ought not to be even vaguely familiar with.  This is why I can't be absolutely sure that I'm write about this (I can, however, be absolutely sure that Goodyear will come up with some completely implausible alternate explanation for it, if need be...), but I can't think of any other possible meaning behind this other than Goodyear actually making some sort of insinuation about autoerotic asphyxiation.

Maybe there's some other explanation, though... maybe Goodyear showers at night and dries his neck off by tightly wrapping a towel around it so hard that it cuts off blood to his brain and air from his lungs. Maybe he's "just" making a joke about Hyer toying with suicide. Maybe... I can't think of anything else he could possibly mean...

This is what political discourse has come to in our country, apparently. A question can actually elicit a response involving AEA and brain damage, and nothing really registers anywhere on the media/political spectrum.

Setting aside for the moment that Goodyear could just as easily have assuaged some people's worries that he only cares about tech and not about science by saying that he does, even if he doesn't believe in evolution, and setting aside the strongly plausible assumption that because he didn't even bother trying to assuage those worries, it's a half-decent bet that the Minister of Science and Technology doesn't actually care too much about science at all, this is just bafflingly, insanely offensive blather from... well, anyone in any workplace, let alone a public official in Parliament, in session, on record.

It really seems at times that not a day goes by when I don't lose another chunk of pride in this country...

A highest possible recommendation

I've got a (first world) problem...

It's true. After a few years of dedicated effort to keeping up with new album releases from bands both familiar and brand new, I'm now stuck on a four-song rotation, and it's all the fault of one five-piece multinational folk-rock outfit called The Primary.

Back in May, the band released their debut EP - a four-song, all-original offering entitled Beneath the Tide, and if first impressions are the most important (hint: they are) then this is a band to look for in the future. Reminiscent of The Decemberists or Mumford and Sons, but with a unique style that makes their sound their own, the EP is instantly familiar - catchy, without being annoyingly ear-wormish.

Part of the freshness of the sound may be in the band's very composition, with members hailing from both sides of the Atlantic.

Chief songwriter Jon Lennon (yes, really) brings an Irish style to his lead vocals and acoustic guitar work, while lead guitarist Tony Boyd hails from the music-soaked city of Glasgow, Scotland. On bass is Florida native Bob Massicotte, who brings a combination of swampy FLA style and the technical experience of a professional orchestra director.

The remaining members are themselves case studies in multiculturalism. Rounding out the rhythm section is Matteo Cinnani, with roots in Italy and Colombia, currently calling Canada his home and native land. The band's lone female member,  Camila Ugarte, also calls Canada home now, but is Chilean by origin. In addition to shouldering the burden of being the band's feminine side, she also lends backup vocals and adds an unmistakable flavour to the band through the strings of her cello.

Based in Cheongju, South Korea, the band has been playing shows to rave reviews for some time, and their schedule is getting busier by the second. Already written up in several well-known ROK publications (including the Korea Herald and the Korea Times), tour dates are booking quick, with gigs scheduled for Seoul, Cheonan, Ochang, Daejon as well as a home-town show or two in Cheongju. In September, the band will grace the main stage at the International Sori Festival in Jeonju.

One can only hope that a few international tour dates crop up some time in the future.

Download the album (it's pay-what-you-want, including an entirely agreeable option of $0 - but let's throw them some cash anyway, shall we?) at their website, www.the-primary.com, and then be sure to keep up with updates on Facebook and Twitter to hear of new releases, videos and (fingers crossed) more tour dates as they're added.

Oh, and for a bit of an intro, watch this video:

An open letter to Jason Kenney and Stephen Harper

So here's an editorial piece on the issue that has spawned this rather spontaneous episode of blog-dusting-off:

Picard is pretty on the money with his thoughts on the issue, but I'm not really writing about his article, but about the issue in general. Let's say I've been inspired by his piece, although I haven't finished reading it yet...

And so, without further ado, my open letter to Kenney and Harper.

---

Dear Citizenship and Immigration Minister Jason Kenney and Prime Minister Stephen Harper:

Thanks for continuing to do your damnedest to turn Canada into a xenophobic, heartless, douchebag-ic wasteland. I first heard about this on The Current the other day, and it's truly depressing that this crap is continuing to happen.

The quote that I heard Kenney spew out of his face-hole when asked why these things were necessary was that the government had been hearing from lots of Canadians that they were tired of paying for healthcare for refugees that they don't receive themselves.

Apart from the fact that you could almost hear the air quotes he was putting around the word "refugees" when he said it, I'd like to meet or hear from those Canadians myself - those who know little enough about refugees to assume that most of them are actually wealthy/wealthy-ish immigrants who are cleverly pretending to be poor/mistreated/abused/at-risk in order to move into our country and occupy a precious place at the very bottom of the socio-economic ladder, but know enough about the refugee system to know what kind of healthcare they were getting.

I'd also like to have a chat with them about a medical appointment my son had today. They "paid for it" but they didn't receive it, because presumably they didn't need a neo-natal ultrasound this morning. Should they therefore call the government to complain? Maybe I'm just gaming the system and shouldn't take so much advantage of their generosity.

Everything about this is contrary to just about everything I like most about Canada, and like so many more of the actions taken by this stupid, fear-mongering government, it's taking those things and telling the world that Canada's not like that at all after all - that we're just as closed-minded, stingy, selfish, suspicious and xenophobic as the worst of our American policy-making neighbours.

You got voted in by a little more than a third of Canadian voters (who turned up, that is - which was only 61.4 per cent of those who could have possibly voted) - stop bandying around like you have this supreme mandate from the masses, or that you could possibly know what "most Canadians" think.

In fact, even if you started using the word "most" when you touted your drivel about what "Canadians" want, it'd be an improvement, regardless of how grotesque a twisting of the facts it would be, which gives you an idea of how misguided your current practices really are. Just stop pretending that there are people banging down your doors begging you to advance their hateful and malevolent agendas toward foreigners.

Stop pretending that it's some average Canadian who wouldn't blink an eye before denying an epileptic teenager from Iran, Mali or El Salvador access to therapeutic and preventative medication "unless they could pay for it".

Stop pretending that you've had letters and phone calls from Canadians who found it really unbearable that an unidentifiably miniscule portion of their federal taxes went to giving an elderly Ghanaian man a pair of prescription eyeglasses or checking a Sri Lankan toddler for TB.

Just stop.

From,

A Canadian.

Wikipedia List of the Week: Cognitive Biases

In honour of the recent amazing display of "but when I do it, it's cute!" on the international stage by the American government, I am proud to present a brand new, theoretically regular, feature at Bewifed and Childrenised: The Wikipedia List of the Week!

*fanfare*


This week's list is, as I've said, inspired by the amazing display of, let's be fair - governments in general, to condemn those actions in others that are perfectly acceptable, and even laudable, when they do it themselves: List of Cognitive Biases


Here's a fun game: depress yourself by finding all of the things that you can specifically remember falling prey to in, say, the last week. It's a little sad.

Of Pots and Kettles

The U.S. government is harping hard (along with others, of course) on Russia and China for their recent veto of a UN resolution condemning Syria's oppressive violence.

Just about everything about this veto sucks, particularly considering the ongoing nature of the violence against everyday Syrians by the government and military, and the fact that even the rest of the Arab world is completely against the violence and oppression.

However, it's a tough thing to be in a position where morals and ethics demand that you condemn someone else's actions, but your own history makes you a somewhat more pot-calling-kettle judge in the matter, like the U.S.A.'s own history of vetoing otherwise completely appropriate and morally upright resolutions.

Luckily (I guess...) the American government has had a long and storied history of condemning in others the actions that are "perfectly acceptable" when motivated by their own interests, so they're having a field day with this veto by Russia and China.

What? Wait.. oh, it's WHAT?

I've never felt a more sudden, or impactful, emotional roller coaster (at least not one that was directly influenced by a video on YouTube) like the one that followed my first five viewings of this clip:



If you must know, I've watched 3:30 seconds of this ten-second clip so far, and it'll only get worse as the night rolls on.

Apparently, it's just a teaser trailer for a Super Bowl commercial, but if that Super Bowl commercial turns out to be a teaser trailer to a sequel of my single most beloved movie of all time, I have no idea what I'm going to do...

It won't be pretty, though. The battling forces of my desire to experience even a modicum of what the original offered me and my surprisingly paternal sense of protectionism of all that it represented might tear a hole in something. Something important.

Incidentally, if you watched that clip and had no idea what was going on, there's a small chance that we could still be friends, but it's going to take a lot of work.

The best of 2011 - #1!!

Man... I don't even care that 2011 has been over for 22 days already, last year's best album of the year is still the best album of the year, even this year.

#1 - The Aquabats - Hi-Five Soup!

The Aquabats, for the uninitiated, are international (and some would say intergalactic) superheroes, bent on ridding the world of buzzkills and bullies, once and for all. I once heard them described as "The undisputed champions of nerd-core" and that fits pretty well, so I'm going to steal it. I'm also not going to give credit where it's due, because I have absolutely no idea where I heard it. For all I know, I made it up, and I'll be damned if I'm going to give me credit for using something I made up.

I'm getting off-track.

I feel like I should give some background on these guys, though, since I can't help but notice that this album utterly failed to make any top 10, 20, or even 50, list that I saw for 2011, and that leads me to believe that just not enough people know about the Aquabats, otherwise they would have heard the record and rejoiced that their ears had been blessed with such awesomeness.

I first discovered the Aquabats when I was in high school, shortly after their debut record, Return of the Aquabats! dropped back in 1996. At the time, they were a ska band, had a hopping horn section and were recording songs like Lobster Bucket!, which I stumbled upon (looooong before there needed to be capitals on those two words) on some lyrics website while I should have been studying in the school library.

From there, they gained some fame in California for being so damned awesome, recruited one Travis Barker to play drums for them (who would later be snatched up while they were opening for Blink-182 on tour in '98) and recorded/released Fury of the Aquabats! in 1997.

1999's Aquabats vs. the Floating Eye of Death! was the start of a different sound for the 'Bats, moving slightly away from ska and more in line with the band's musical heroes, Devo.

Then came a time known as the Dark Ages for Aquabats fans. Things were looking grim. The 'Bats were dropped from labels because their stage shows (which featured constant eclectic/esoteric video presentations and guest appearances by the most nefarious villains and aliens in the universe) became too expensive, and they were basically in the doldrums of a several-year recording hiatus.

Then in 2005, Charge!! was released and new life was breathed into the band. They got back into touring more heavily, much to everyone's relief, and were back as a band for the time being. They had more or less lost their ska sound when Prince Adam (the band's remaining trumpet player) left, and transitioned into a more synth-heavy new-new-wave pop-punk thing.

Anyway, they're awesome, and they've always been awesome.

This record is, as you may guess from its eminent position atop my top 10, is no exception. It's got pretty much everything that The Aquabats have always provided fans: great stories, incredibly catchy tunes, danceable tracks and just incredible musicianship. It may sometimes get lost in the theatre of what they do, but the Aquabats are a group of ridiculously talented musicians, and it definitely shows in this offering, from the complex rhythms of The Legend is True! and Food Fight on the Moon! to the pop-reference-laden Pink Pants! and Radio Down!

Listen and love, and if you do, for the love of everything you hold dear, SEE THESE MEN IN CONCERT! It will be unlike anything you've ever experienced, and you will be changed for the better.

Here are a few tunes from Hi-Five Soup! to get you started:

The Legend is True!:

Hey Homies!:

Radio Down! (featuring Biz Markie):

And, as a special something, a blast from the past! From 1997's Fury of the Aquabats!, I present, Super Rad!: (Watch at around 1:28 for a still-tattoo-less Travis Barker, and later in costume on the snare)

You're welcome.